Waiting
by frenziedquill
Summary: "He didn't want to wait 20 hours, or even five. He wanted to know, to see, to assure himself his new child…wouldn't be like him." Remus, waiting for the birth of his first child, is tortured by what he's done. For The Potter Project Competition Challenge


Remus stood, slumped against the wall, his face pressed heavily in the palms of his hands, waiting. He had perched there for nearly two hours now, listening to the muffled cries of pain from his wife and mutterings of the midwives, and he could barely stand it any longer.

He had wanted to be there, to see, to help, but Molly had told him right off there were to be no men allowed unless they knew how to help, and Dora was in too much pain to protest. So he had been banished to the hallway for the remainder of labor, to wait in uncertain agony until the door opened.

"It may take awhile, you know, for the baby to come," Molly had said gently. "I remember Ginny took almost 20 hours. Babies are tricky things, and no amount of magic can make them come any faster."

But he didn't want to wait 20 hours, or even five. He wanted to know, to see, to assure himself his new child…wouldn't be like him.

He had had enough time by now to envision every possible horrible happening, every single terrifying mutated beast that could soon be his own child, because of him.

_I never should have married her…._

_I've made her an outcast…_

The argument of that horrid night reeled through his brain for the umpteenth time, blaring back at him as if magnified. None of those primal fears had really gone away, the stark terror that he had brought some sort of monster into the world.

But what could he do? Harry had been right. He was wrong to leave, wrong to abandon his wife and unborn in their time of need. He had promised Dora, everybody, that he would take care of them, wouldn't let his own demons get the best of him.

"I'll love him, whatever he looks like, and you will too," Dora had said, the night he returned and apologized. "I thought you had more confidence than that." Yet, at the same time, it would destroy him to see the look of shock, of fear, of agony, if her first child was a beast, all because of him. He loved her too much to ever want to do that to her…it was, after all, the reason he had wanted never to marry her.

And so he remained, for those next six months, staying by her side and refusing to give in to his instincts again, to turn and run from what he had done. But now, crouched in the darkening hallway as the rain poured outside, he was considering it all again.

Arthur came up behind him, patting him gently on the shoulder. "She's in good hands, Remus," he said encouragingly. "Molly knows something about children, I expect, and your mother-in-law being a healer…that child of yours'll have the best delivery anyone could hope for." 

Remus just nodded numbly, his eyes fixed on the floor. Arthur would know, he would be calm, he had gone through this with each of his own seven children.

"You realize there has never been a case in which a werewolf-monster-child was born, ever?" Arthur said suddenly, offhand. Remus looked up.

"What did you say?" 

"In all the cases of werewolf-wizard marriages, there was never a child born with disfigurements or ailments resulting in monstrous defects," Arthur continued calmly, speaking as if he was reading right out of a textbook. He caught Remus's expression and grinned. "Bill looked it up, back when he was preparing himself for the worst after his attack. Surely, being a professor, you will have done your research as well?" The dumbfounded look on Remus's face gave Arthur his answer.

"Turns out, although werewolves don't usually breed, there has never been a monstrous child born out of it when they do." Arthur went on uniformly, his glasses glinting in the frail hallway candlelight. 

Arthur laughed as the shock reached Remus's eyes. _Never been a case…_but it wasn't impossible that his would be the first…but surely it would lower the odds…could it be?

"You're pulling my leg," he croaked, and Arthur put a hand on his shoulder.

"Remus, we all know you hate yourself for what's happened, but for heaven's sake it's not your fault! I know you expect us all to see the worst of you, but we can't. We refuse to. You assume all we will ever remember about you is the fact that you are a werewolf pretending to be human. You assume everyone will hate you if your child is born a monster. You really do assume the lowest of all of us, Remus." His voice caught sharply at these last words. 

He took a deep breath, long enough for Remus to look up.

"You mustn't fear everything," Arthur said sternly. "We've all accepted you, and you must realize that. In all the darkness that's about to come down on us, there are still good things going on in the world, things we can't afford to miss. For heaven's sake, just be happy you're living long enough to see your child born! Besides," Arthur chuckled as he went down the hallway. "You realize Nymphadora's the one who's in real pain right now." 

Remus closed his eyes and though about that. Bill and Fleur's wedding had been one of those things…amid all the chaos and turmoil boiling like poison around them, there were indeed bright spots glimmering in the distance, everyday occurrences like births and marriages to give a body hope. And who was he to turn the birth of his first child into a nightmare?

Suddenly, he didn't care if his child was born monster, mermaid, or troll. He didn't care if it was tall or short or-or anything. He just wanted to see it, see his wife, hold her, assure her everything would be all right, to see his first child be born.

He was suddenly proud to be a father.

Just as his revelation came about, the bedroom door creaked open and Andromeda, looking thoroughly shell-shocked and exhausted, came into the hallway. She smiled warmly at Remus, the first real smile she had given to him since he had announced their engagement. "Come see your son," she said encouragingly, motioning him inside.

_Your son…_

Remus, his mind slowly going numb, peeled himself from the wall and walked, as if in a daze, into the bedroom. The nursing instruments had been magicked away, the room scoured of any sign that a birth had taken place that night. Molly was scrubbing her hands in a small basin, grinning from ear to ear as Remus entered the room. Andromeda, folding clean towels on the nightstand, looked from him to her daughter lying in the bed and nodded silently, her mouth a nearly perfunctory line.

"Remus…" Tonks murmured from her spot in the pillows. Her hair had morphed back to its natural state, her elbow-length brown locks slightly damp still from sweat, her cheeks flushed a rosy bubblegum pink. Her eyes gleamed with pride, and Remus believed it was the beautiful she had ever looked.

"Come see our son," She went on, her eyes glazed with tears now. Slowly, he walked to the side of the bed and peered into the small bundle Tonks clutched in her arms. A small, round pink face stared into the long, scarred one, and the werewolf smiled slowly.

"He looks like you," Remus said softly, noting that his son's hair was turning from red to yellow at an alarming rate.

"He looks more like you, I think," Dora replied in her usual contradictory manner, but she was smiling. "He has your eyes."

"And he's…" Remus searched the child's face.

"A Metamorphmagus, for sure," Dora said, nodding. "They start to show their powers nearly an hour after birth…at least, that was what Mum told me."

Remus faltered. He was going to say that he was not a monster, but decided not to bring that up. As Arthur said, it was a happy occasion, and there was no use bringing up grim topics. But he couldn't help that feeling of deep-seated relief closing over him in waves, erasing all previous fears.

"What's his name?" Molly asked, standing at the foot of the bed. Dora looked at Remus.

"I thought maybe Ted," she said tentatively, smiling at Andromeda. "For…Dad's memory." It had been nearly a month since Ted Tonks had died, and everyone was still reeling from it.

Andromeda turned, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "I…I think that's a wonderful name," she said in a wobbly voice, striding over to see the baby. Her hand reached Remus's back in comfort, reassurance, acceptance at last.

"Ted Lupin," Remus said quietly, his hand reaching to feel his firstborn son's smooth cheek. "Welcome to the world," He turned to his wife, whose face was a portrait of pure joy unlike any he had ever seen or felt until now.

"I'm…so sorry," Remus muttered, his hand roving from his son's cheek to his wife's tousled hair. "For everything. I promise, I'll never do it again, and…"

"Shh." Dora put a finger to her lips and nodded. "I know, Remus. I know." 

Molly and Andromeda left then, muttering something about cooking supper and smiling knowingly. Ted let out a small cry, and Dora swayed him gently.

"Mum sent a Patronus to most of the Order right after he was born, but Molly wanted you to go out to Shell Cottage to tell Bill and Fleur and the rest of them…" Dora moved over so Remus could sit next to her on the bed. "We have to name guardians for him, and godparents, just in case…"

Remus didn't think long. His mind went immediately to the boy who told him, all those months ago, to go back to the woman he loved, to care for her and his new family. The boy who had given him the best advice anyone had given him.

"Harry, definitely," he said. Dora grinned.

"Knew you'd say that," she said, nudging him jokingly. "You're quite predictable for such an unstable werewolf, you know that?"

Remus laughed and held his wife close. "Predictable, I suppose, but never boring, right?" 

"No. Never."

Lying there in the twilight, next to his wife and child, he was glad he had come home. He was glad he had spent those agonizing hours in the hallway, merely to find his son was healthy, alive and well, a near miracle in this nightmare of a war.

He was glad he had waited.

**A/N: So, eh…yes. I'll be honest, this story was one of the more emotional stories I've written so far, merely because I really adore this couple and I hated to see them die, so I put a lot into it. I may have messed up a few details here and there, and if I did I'm sorry, I haven't read book 7 in a few months. Not my best writing, I'll admit, especially the ending :/ Yet, I wanted to write this story so badly, and I want even more to know what you think. Please, please review! **


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